it's never over

you apologized for skipping out of town and now i'm down to my last cigarette again. i think i got blinded by the fire i found inside your eyes. call me later call me never just don't say forever unless you can stay forever. please. i'm still so empty, hollow. can't feel it unless i'm consumed by you. i don't know what i'm doing. haunted by a ghost. i can't shake the dream. i want to run free but from what? the chains? i'm still so disappointed. 3-d shapes push my mind, searing memories, brilliant, alive. summer girl in city mode. crackling heat leads me astray, mirages disappear into smoke when i draw near. illusion of contentment melts into a dripping mess. i tuck my hair into a blue beret, keep walking in the rain. untouched by madness on the outside. blisters on my heels water drips down my back. i burn bridges on a rooftop one shiny cigarette at a time

in my city it's you and me. in this city. whichever city i call mine. you and me and the memory of another summer spent walking under the same moon. what am i to you anyway? a fucking toy? a substitute for some boy? it's my life too. i don't want to spend it denying the obvious one shot of whiskey at a time. fiery burn numbs my soul, quiets the anger underneath until i wake up, confused, not really angry at you. i just want to feel alive and know it's not a lie. i don't need booze to love myself, i just need you, without the empty promises. i just need to know i can trust, that it's not just misplaced lust, that we share but something more, that when you walk out that door you'lll come back sober and alive.

can it just be you and me and ella playing softly and candles and white wine and we can talk all the time? whatever you are to me grows harder to forget each night i let another take me to that place i see your face, your wispy curls and soft green eyes. don't act surprised, you know it's true. i haven't had my fill of your candy lips, haven't memorized the taste of your porcelain skin. you don't have to spend the night. i don't know if i won't say the wrong thing when there's no air to breathe.

maybe we were drunk but i guess that's ok as long as you'll still be there for at least another day.
she dances by the window then turns out the light. i kiss her bare shoulder, watch her fade into the night.