america

america has running water and homeless women with cancer. america has starbucks. I went to starbucks in london. they served my lattes in ceramic mugs every time. america has paved streets and jc penney. dollar stores sell the same gold earrings. america has trains and airports and coupons in the mail. america has shelters but it’s still safer to sleep near 59th street. america has public service announcements where teenagers dance with cartoon babies at columbus circle to tell you don't smoke. where are the models in those commercials? america has trees and canyons and billionaires and street people that sell comic books.

"in my country," crows the dollar store proprietor to no one in particular, "you want to die, you die. you want to party, you party. no one stops you like here." I nod and squeeze past him in the narrow aisle housing school supplies and cleaning products.

erin showed me a fake textbook with jon stewart on the cover and told me she got two summons for standing in front of mcdonalds. “I told them at least let me make some money first” she said indignantly and I tried to look appropriately disgusted. She gave me a ring in the UPS store once, a faceted oval of rose quartz set in sterling. I didn’t want to take it but I was holding up the line and then she disappeared. She can’t go to the park anymore so sometimes she sleeps on the train. Other times, I don’t know where she sleeps. Last Easter, she gave me a bag full of brand-new dog clothes from Toys R Us. I didn’t know what was appropriate, and I didn’t know what I could afford, so finally I put a twenty in an envelope and carried it in my purse until I saw her. When I first met Erin she had stopped to pet my dog. When I found out she was homeless, I tried not to treat her differently, but it was still different. i stopped trusting my judgement of situations like that because I couldn’t tell if she was just nice to me or if I needed to be more careful.